


Home Inside of Me

by Tui_and_La



Series: Drifting Thoughts on Zuko [2]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Action/Adventure, Angst, Drama, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-02
Updated: 2019-01-08
Packaged: 2019-01-29 03:41:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12622380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tui_and_La/pseuds/Tui_and_La
Summary: This is a collection of canon compliant short stories about Zuko during the timespan of ATLA. Part 2 of the seriesDrifting Thoughts on Zuko, independent from part 1.





	1. What's Changed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "This is not who I want you to see  
> It’s just adding on weight to the darkness in me...  
> Yeah behind everything that I do  
> I just want to come home and lay down beside you  
> And then I’ll be who I wanted to be  
> In my heart I belong in a house by the sea" - House by the sea (Moddi)

From the moment Zuko stepped inside the ship, he couldn't help but compare. Azula's royal barge was just as magnificent within its hull as he remembered seeing from the outside back when he was boarding - inadvertently - as a prisoner. It was much more ornate than his own, with elegant chandeliers, velvet red divans, as well as a black and gold carpet that covered the metal floor, and, of course, a majestic painting of the Fire Lord hanging on the wall of the main hall. Even before the barge departed from Ba Sing Se's shore, he could already feel much closer to the Fire Nation than he'd ever been in the past three years. And when the ship started to move, the difference was just as evident: it was heavier due to its size, but also smoother and way more stable against the waves. Right there, Zuko realized that just because he was at sea, it didn't mean that he was back to the old days. In fact, he was on his way to much older days.

After a longer-than-usual banquet at sunset with royal service and best quality food, Zuko was feeling overwhelmed by Azula's constant boasting about their victory for an excited Ty Lee and a mildly impressed Mai. So he retired to what had been established as his cabin and laid down on the silk sheets of his bed, studying all the intricate patterns on the furniture and the rich tapestry on the walls while thinking about his first night on his own vessel. He'd lost count of how long he'd been there until an unexpected knock outside his cabin almost made him jump.

\- It's open! - Zuko shouted in response.

With the sound of a metallic structure being dragged out, Mai appeared from behind the door.

\- I hate how _noisy_ these things are. - Mai sighed. - Sorry about that. - she added, carefully closing the door.

\- It's ok, I'm used to it. It was worse on my ship.

Zuko was finally realizing what had been bothering him. Despite all the efforts in making his vessel feel like home, Zuko could now see that he'd gotten used to a minimal fraction of his life on the Royal Palace, and called _that_ "being a prince", when the truth was that he barely had the respect of his crew, much less the worshiping reserved to royalty. It was almost like the memories of his childhood had been distorted by his constant daydreaming about going back to it, and now they were coming back like a storm and materializing all around him. It was finally real, it was happening, and somehow it didn't _feel_ right.

\- So that's what you're doing here, losing yourself in thoughts? - Mai's soft voice called him back from his mind as she sat by his side on the bed.

\- I shouldn't have come.

\- And what would you have done all alone in the Earth Kingdom? You don't belong there.

\- Do I belong in the Fire Nation, though? - _why_ , exactly, did he feel like he was no longer a part of any of that? - I had to _capture_ the Avatar in order to return.

\- And now that problem's solved, because you and Azula both ended a threat to our nation. Look, you just need some time to come to realization, okay? You're _going home_. _We're_ going back, together. - she pressed her lips against his own in a comforting kiss, and that made him feel instantly glad for her presence.

Perhaps she was right. It had been too long and he needed to readjust to the life of a prince.

However, Mai couldn't fully understand where he was coming from, as no one else could. Zuko only wished he could share more, give her access to the guilt in his heart and show her the secret behind his decision. It all came back to the words ringing constantly in the back of his mind: _"This is water from the spirit oasis at the North Pole. It has special properties, so I've been saving it from something important"_. The content in that flask could heal his scar, the waterbender had told him. It could take from him all the weight of the past, erase the mark that tied him to his mistakes and set him free from his curse once and for all. And that was the only way out, wasn't it? No matter how willing he was to start over, to spend the rest of his life in the Earth Kingdom serving tea, his past was written in his face and he could never escape from the destiny placed on him as long as he beared that scar. Yet, the peasant girl took his chance away from him just as quickly as she'd presented it.

And all that really mattered now was that, if that water could save him, it surely could save the _Avatar's_ life. The boy was alive somewhere, and Zuko was bringing a lie back to his father. He was a sham, and he'd exchanged the one person who'd stayed by his side all this time for something he hadn't even _earned_ , and there was no honor in that. When his chance of changing his life for good was ripped away from him, so close, Azula was right there with an alternative, speaking right to his core, to the painful craving for home that he'd nurtured for so long. All he had to do was hold on to her words and come along, and he _knew_ she wouldn't fail, simply because she was Azula. Suddenly he had hope again, and he just couldn't understand why uncle would oppose to that. Everything seemed perfect, but when the time came, Azula didn't capture the Avatar. She tried to _kill_ him instead.

His sister had no clue she'd made a mistake. But Azula wasn't aware of the wound she was capable of carving in his chest whenever she offered him a ticket back home, either. It was that same desperate need now that prevented him from telling her, or anyone, the truth. As long as he didn't know anything, he'd be forgiven and loved once again, _wouldn't he?_

\- I came to invite you for a walk. - Mai informed - But I might as well just stay here with you for a while, if you want me to. Whatever will take you away from all that brooding.

Zuko adjusted himself on the bed to give her space and placed his arm across her waist. Mai followed his guide and cuddled on his chest.

That was something different, too. In the past days, they'd held hands and shared kisses a few times. She'd advanced a bit more, taking him in her arms and caressing his hair, opening a space of comfort, intimacy and vulnerability between them. She'd made him giggle at her silly remarks just like when they were kids, although he still had no idea what it was about them that put a smile on his face so easily. It didn't matter, because Mai was proving by the day that she was a part of the Fire Nation that had never given up on him, already welcoming him back. And if that was possible, maybe she wasn't the only one.

\- Staying here with you for a while sounds good to me. - Zuko looked her in the eyes and attempted a timid smile.

It felt good, too. The best he'd felt in years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, don't blame me for Zuko's skewed line of thought. Well, this one is short and simple, more like a reflection.  
> Next update is on part 3, Scarred World. I'm so excited to write about Izumi!


	2. How I've Changed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't updated this in a year but I had a couple of drafts only waiting to be edited that I had forgotten about. This fic is very simple, still I hope you have a good time with it. :-)

Zuko met Mai on their way to the dining room for breakfast. She placed her hands on his shoulders, staring at him with a tiny smile and leaning in for a kiss. 

He was still getting used to it, to being touched and kissed, or even sharing a ship – a larger, fancier one – with other girls. He was still adapting to the fact that he had a girlfriend and was going home. 

– You look even more handsome in this outfit, Prince Zuko. – she remarked, sliding her hands over the red and golden silk. 

However, her words hit Zuko like mockery, in a sudden flash of self-consciousness. 

He had been so close to a cure, he had allowed himself to believe just a few days ago that he could erase his disfiguration, that he could get rid of the permanent reminder of his betrayal, that he could be truly free of his past.

– Zuko, is anything wrong?

– I don’t need reassurance. – he said harshly. – I know what I look like.

Never before he had to give much thought to his appearance, and he was thankful for that if nothing else. It was only him and the crew on his ship, nobody cared and half of them kept their helmets on, meaning Zuko couldn’t even see their look upon him. 

Right now, he couldn’t help but notice the discrepancy between himself and the noble girl in front of him. She was the picture of tidiness and softness, with perfect face and shining hair and groomed nails. Meanwhile, he was... broken. The scar on his face was the only visible flaw, but his body had many other marks where she could only see silk. His once developed muscles had shrunk, his hair was disgraceful, the hair of a traitor. His hands were calloused and too rough to touch. 

Did she know what she was getting into? Was she aware of the mess he was? What could he possibly offer to the girl who had everything? It was only a matter of time until she left him, as much as he wanted to believe that it was real, to delve into her words and embrace her compliment. 

– No. Look at me. – Mai’s voice was firm while she pulled his head in her direction. – Even if this matters to you, it doesn’t matter to me. Don’t be silly. 

She had a way of making everything sound unimportant, but Zuko revisited her words for a second and found sincerity in them. 

– Sorry. – he ran his hand through her hair and hoped the gesture would speak for itself. – It’s good to wear our colors again.


	3. The banished prince

– What are we gonna tell Azula? – Ty Lee asked, and Mai wasn’t sure why there was worry in the girl’s voice.

– About what? – she replied.

– About the bear! You just let them take it away! – the girl reached her head with her feet and stayed in that position on the floor.

– Why do you think she cares? We still have the throne, that’s what matters. We’re better off without that horrendous creature pooping around anyway. 

– I guess you’re right. I mean, I think the bear was really cute, we used to have one in the circus, they’re so unusual and people like them.

_Boring people_ , maybe, Mai thought, but said nothing else.

They were silent for a moment, but Mai knew that, when it comes to Ty Lee, silence would be broken soon. The bear wasn’t there to entertain the braided girl anymore, so perhaps she’d like to spar while they waited for Azula’s return. Mai pointed a shuriken at her friend, who understood the message right away and prepared for the challenge. 

– Do you think Zuko’s coming with Azula?

Mai was taken aback by the question, so she threw one knife towards the girl. 

– She has what he wants. I don’t see why not. 

– Well, she nearly killed their uncle. And she has just made Zuko prisoner. Do you think he’ll trust her?

– Iroh’s alive. It’s a choice between being a prisoner or a prince. 

– In this case, I can’t _wait_ to see him again! 

Mai wondered why her friend felt the need to voice her own buried thoughts. Another knife

– I can’t _wait_ anymore, at all. I may die of boredom.

But it took only half an hour longer for the gates of the throne room to open. Ty Lee froze in expectation on the floor, right after she’d dodged the third of Mai’s shurikens.

– Oh, girls. Glad you’re having some fun here. – the good humor in Azula’s voice was all the evidence she needed to know that the princess had accomplished her main goal of conquering Ba Sing Se, in very the least. No surprise there. 

– We’re not. – Mai stated.

– Come in, Zuko. You don’t expect me to inform your presence, do you? 

So he _did_ come. Mai’s heart jumped and her body stiffened while she fixed her eyes on the entry.

Zuko appeared from behind his sister, and his eyes quickly scanned the room until they met hers. She wasn’t ready for the person standing in front of her. His short, messy hair covered his forehead, but the scar on his eyes seemed to continue underneath it – and it was nothing like what she’d tried to picture several times. 

The burning mark didn’t bother her. The idea behind it, though, made her stomach twist. Is that what he wanted to go back to? Why?

Ty Lee crossed the dark-haired girl’s view when she jumped onto Zuko to give him a big hug.

– Zuko! I can’t believe you’re back. Welcome! We were rooting for you to join us. – the bubbly girl exclaimed. 

Mai used that distraction in her favor to study how much he’d grown, and the line of sweat coating his neck, and the shredded sleeves of his Earth Kingdom garment, and the bruises on his arms. Perhaps he was an entirely new person, and she hoped the ghost of the young boy she found in his eyes wasn’t only her imagination – because the impulse she felt in his presence was still the same. 

– Well, I’m here. – he stumbled in his words when they broke apart, then he glanced at her. 

– Hi, Prince Zuko. 

– Mai. – he nodded, and a shy silly smiled filled his lips. 

– It’s just like old times, huh? – Azula mentioned, in an excited voice that didn’t belong to her, and Mai made sure to take note of that.


End file.
